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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26025088">what's a parent anyway</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desolate_Smog/pseuds/Desolate_Smog'>Desolate_Smog</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>small fics for the soul (writer's month 2020) [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety Attacks, Family Dynamics, Gen, Kid Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Parental Deceit | Janus Sanders, breathing techniques</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:47:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,433</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26025088</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desolate_Smog/pseuds/Desolate_Smog</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Virgil's mother has got a job overseas and now she's looking for someone to take him in until she comes back. Too bad Virgil doesn't know any of these people. </p><p>Writer's Month 2020, Day 21 - family</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Deceit | Janus Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>small fics for the soul (writer's month 2020) [14]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859371</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>104</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Writer's Month 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>what's a parent anyway</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Virgil knew exactly why they were going to the family gathering.</p><p>Virgil and his parents usually didn't attend them, due to his father being off trying to achieve his goal of sleeping around the country and his mother working on her goal of pretending nothing existed in her life except for work. Virgil, on the other hand, lived a lonely life. Ignored at home, ignored at school, he was starting to think that he had died somewhere along the way and his mind hadn't caught up with reality. </p><p>"Now, I know we don't see them very often, Vivi, but they're family! One of them will be able to take you in for a couple of months," his mother said as they drove to the venue. </p><p>Virgil didn't reply. </p><p>He hadn't seen his dad in nearly a year—which wasn't the record, but was still up there. The absence had been getting to his mom, as she started taking longer hours at work the longer dad was away. These hours led to her being promoted, which led to the situation they were in currently: she had taken a job overseas, and now they were trying to figure out what to do with Virgil. </p><p>The first time his mom had gone away for work it had just been a couple of days, and she came back happy and spent time with him. The time away increased slowly, until now, when she was going away for three months and suddenly realised she couldn't leave her ten-year-old alone by himself for that long. Virgil never said so, but he wondered if both of his parents didn't want to be home because of him. </p><p>Whatever. </p><p>"Maybe there'll be kids your age," Mom said. "Wouldn't that be fun!" </p><p>Virgil didn't know how to interact with kids his age. They thought he was weird. </p><p>They arrived far too quickly for Virgil's taste. </p><p>"I'm glad I had the address!" His mother chuckled to herself. "Let's go Vivi." </p><p>"I don't want to." Virgil whispered. "Can't I stay in the car?"</p><p>"Don't be silly Virgil." Mom tutted. "Get out or I'll have to enroll you in a boarding school. I know you don't want that." </p><p>He really, really didn't. </p><p>Virgil reluctantly unbuckled himself, tucking his notebook into his hoodie pocket and climbing out of the car. He stared at the house. His skin was itchy and he couldn't breathe. He jumped when his mom put a hand on his shoulder. </p><p>"What are you waiting for, baby? Get excited! We haven't seen my family in nearly three years," Mom said, as if that was reassuring and not terrifying. </p><p>"Mm," Virgil managed. </p><p>Mom chuckled and steered him toward the front door. "Eloquent as ever," </p><p>"Mom," Virgil protested. </p><p>"You'll love it Vivi, trust me." </p><p>The problem was: he didn't. </p><p>His mother opened the door and called out a cheerful greeting to the people sitting in the closest room, getting confused replies in return. Virgil tried to sink into his hoodie. </p><p>"Grandmama!" Mom shouted, making a beeline for the oldest lady in the living room. "How have you been?" </p><p>Virgil tuned out and looked around for an escape. There was even less air in the house and everyone was staring at him. His hands clenched around his notebook and he walked away from the living room and into the similarly packed dining room. Heads turned to him. Virgil pushed through. </p><p>He opened a door and found an empty bedroom and he shut the door behind him, slipping down the door and curling up in a ball. </p><p>His mom wouldn't be happy he hid away. He shuddered and pulled his knees in closer to his chest. If she sent him to a boarding school would it be like this all the time? Chest too tight, bees under his skin, people watching him do everything? </p><p>It sounded like a nightmare. </p><p>"Hey kid, you alright?" </p><p>Virgil jumped away from the door, staring at it like it was about to explode. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and tried to make the person go away. "U-um, I'm-m fine," </p><p>It was silent. Well, not silent, because there were still lots of people in the house and they were all loud and laughing and knew each other and were <em>family</em>—</p><p>"My name's Dee," the person said. "Can you tell me your name?"</p><p>Virgil shook his head even though he knew Dee couldn't see him. </p><p>"Here, what about yes and no questions," Dee offered. "You could knock on the door once for yes and twice for no." </p><p>Virgil hesitated but knocked on the door once. </p><p>"Thank you. I noticed you came in with Aunt Amy. Are you related to her?" </p><p>Virgil knocked. It was weird thinking about his mom being an aunt. </p><p>"That would make you Virgil, yes?" </p><p>He knocked on the door again. </p><p>"It's nice to meet you Virgil." Dee said. Virgil didn't know if he could believe that. </p><p>"Next question, how—hmm." Dee cleared his throat and started again. "Can you breathe?" </p><p>Virgil was breathing easier than before, but it was still hard. Were you supposed to tell strangers you couldn't breathe? Virgil hesitated, but ended up knocking twice. </p><p>"Okay Virgil, I want you to listen to me," Dee said, more firmly. "I'm going to help." </p><p>Virgil stopped breathing. <em>Please don't come in, don't come in, don't come in.</em></p><p>"I'll stay out here, but you follow my instructions. Sound good?" </p><p>He gasped to try and get his lungs working again. He knocked once. </p><p>"This is called a breathing exercise." Dee explained. "Lift up your right hand for me?"</p><p>Virgil looked at his hand, all the lines and the small curves where his fingernails pressed. </p><p>"With your left hand, point at your wrist beneath your thumb." </p><p>Virgil wondered if it was meant to feel kind of silly. </p><p>"Okay. We're going to go up your thumb to the top and we're going to breathe in while we do it. Then we're going to go down your thumb on the other side while breathing out. Easy?" </p><p>Virgil nodded, before he remembered that he had to knock. He leaned over to knock fast. </p><p>"Ready?" Dee said, and Virgil almost knocked again, but then Dee started counting. "Going up, two, three, stop." </p><p>Virgil rushed to put his finger on top of his thumb. He was so stupid, he couldn't even do the breathing exercise. </p><p>"And down, two, three." Dee continued. Virgil breathed out, but he ran out of breath and had to breathe in again. "Let's do the same to the next finger." </p><p>Virgil breathed and traced his hand back and forth for a long time, so long Virgil lost count. They had reached the end of his hand again when Dee said something other than the up, down, and numbers. </p><p>"Feeling better?" </p><p>"Yeah," Virgil mumbled, tracing his hand back and forth still. It felt nice. </p><p>"That's good. I live with my nephew, and he needs help breathing sometimes," Dee said. "He likes the flower breathing one. My partner prefers to hum as he breathes." </p><p>"That's a lot of ways to breathe." Virgil told the door. He'd thought Dee was a boy, but he said his partner was a boy too? Like superhero sidekicks?</p><p>"There certainly is. My favourite is the one where you scrunch up your body and then release as you exhale." </p><p>"You know a lot about breathing, Mr. Dee." </p><p>Dee chuckled. "I suppose I do." </p><p>Virgil bit his lip and glanced at the door before looking around the bedroom. There was a blanket made out of all different kinds of patterns and at least sixty pillows. Right in front of the pillows was an old teddy bear. Virgil felt kind of bad for stealing someone's bedroom. </p><p>"Mr. Dee is your nephew nice?" </p><p>"I think he might be the nicest." Dee said. "He made muffins for me to bring today. At least fourteen batches. My car is very full." </p><p>Virgil huffed out a laugh. "How come he made so many?"</p><p>"Because he's the nicest." </p><p>"That's stupid. Who's gonna eat that much?" </p><p>"Well," Dee said thoughtfully. "I could use some help with that. Would you like to come help me bring them all in? We can eat some and no one would even notice." </p><p>Virgil tugged at his fingers. He was hungry, and Dee didn't seem bad. "Okay." </p><p>He got up and opened the door a crack so he could look at Dee. He wore gloves and looked nice, but Virgil mostly noticed Dee's face. </p><p>"Why does your skin have different colours?" Virgil asked. </p><p>Dee blinked at him, and he smiled. He brushed a finger along the lighter area around his eye and cheek. "I got hurt and they had to give me new skin to fix it." </p><p>"Does it still hurt?" It sounded like it hurt. </p><p>"It's fine now." Dee shook his head. He stood up and brushed off his shirt. "Ready to get those muffins?" </p><p>Virgil nodded. He looked away from Dee and wondered if he wasn't supposed to ask questions. What if Dee didn't like him because he asked about his face? </p><p>"I was in a car crash a few years ago," Dee said, and Virgil turned to look at him. "That's where it came from. It's called a graft." </p><p>"Was it scary?" </p><p>"Extremely." Dee nodded. He started walking away and Virgil jogged to catch up. "I don't remember most of it because I hit my head, but my partner and I both get nightmares about it sometimes." </p><p>Virgil hugged himself. "Sorry," </p><p>"No need to apologise," Dee said, and he put his hand on Virgil's head. Virgil didn't know if he liked it. </p><p>They walked back toward the noise, and Dee moved his hand away when they entered the dining room. There were lots of people there, the adults were talking and little kids were running around. It was a lot. </p><p>"I forgot to bring in my contribution," Dee said loudly. </p><p>A man pointed at Dee and wagged his finger about. "You always forget! I think you just want it for yourself, Dee!" </p><p>"Me? Never," Dee gasped dramatically. </p><p>"Get out of here, devil child," the man waved them away. </p><p>"Love you too, Dad," Dee smirked. Dee began to move, and Virgil followed him like a shadow. </p><p>"Oh, there you are Vivi!" </p><p>Virgil cringed away from his mom. She was so loud. </p><p>"Aunty," Dee held a hand out to her. "It's been a while." </p><p>"Little Dee!" Mom shouted. "I haven't seen you in forever!" </p><p>"That's what happens when work gets in the way, I suppose," Dee smiled, but it wasn't the nice smile he'd given Virgil. </p><p>"Ugh, work." Mom tutted. "I see you're getting along with Vivi!"</p><p>Dee looked at him and Virgil gave him a smile. Dee coughed into his hand and turned back to mom. </p><p>"Swimmingly, I'd say." </p><p>"Grandmama was telling me that your roommate has a kid now; that's pretty exciting!" </p><p>Dee made a flat humming sound. "We have custody of our nephew, yes."</p><p>"Aww, you see him as yours already." Mom cooed. </p><p>"As pleasant as this conversation is, Virgil and I have a job we were doing," Dee said. "Let's go, Virgil." </p><p>"Wait." Mom said and grabbed Dee by the wrist. "I want to ask you something." </p><p>"Oh?" Dee glared at mom's hand. Virgil wanted to be somewhere else. </p><p>"I'm going away soon and I need—" </p><p>"I know you aren't about to ask me a question about your son when he's right here." Dee said. "That would be rude, you know." </p><p>"He doesn't mind." Mom waved her hand. "Could you look after him while I'm away?" </p><p>Virgil didn't want to hear Dee tell his mother no. He liked Dee and now it was going to be weird.</p><p>Dee was silent for a moment, and Virgil felt worse with every passing second. </p><p>"My partner and I would be delighted." Dee said and Virgil looked up at him in surprise. Dee was smiling at him.</p><p>"Oh, thank you, thank you—" </p><p>"Give us your keys, we'll go get his things. Besides, we did have a job to be doing. I'll be in touch." </p><p>"Here you are!" Mom said. She handed Dee the keys and leaned over to kiss Virgil on the forehead. "You'll be good for Dee, right baby?" </p><p>"Uh-huh," Virgil mumbled. </p><p>"I'm glad. I'm going to make the rounds, you can come back with my keys later." </p><p>"Come along, Virgil. We'll go get your things." Dee said, ushering Virgil out of the house and away from his mom. </p><p>"Sorry, about her," Virgil said once they were away from the house, "She's absentminded." </p><p>Dee smiled at him again as they walked to the car. "That's quite the word. Could you tell me what it means?" </p><p>"Oh," Virgil thought about it. He'd read it in a book once and looked up the definition and it was a good word. "It means someone who doesn't think things through a lot. Like, your mind is absent." </p><p>"I like that definition." Dee nodded. </p><p>"Can I ask you a question, Mr. Dee?" Virgil asked, fiddling with his notebook and the pencil.</p><p>"Of course," </p><p>"Is it okay if I stay with you? You don't have to just 'cause Mom asked." </p><p>Dee stopped walking. Virgil hesitated beside him, not wanting to look at him. </p><p>"Virgil, I would like you to stay with me and my family. My partner and my nephew will love you. Besides, your mother should be more organised than this, and I'd rather you stay with me than some stranger that would be mean to you." </p><p>Virgil bit his lip. "She was going to send me to a boarding school." </p><p>"Sounds horrible." </p><p>Virgil nodded. "So it's okay?"</p><p>A hand clasped over his shoulder, and Virgil turned to look at Dee. "It's very okay. I'll look after you kid."</p><p>He let go and started to walk away again. Virgil jogged until he was walking next to Dee again. </p><p>"Can I ask you another question?"</p><p>"Shoot, Virgil,"</p><p>"Is Dee your real name?" </p><p>Dee laughed. "It's a nickname. My full name is Bohdi Janus White, because my mother was a very... <em>spiritual</em> woman." </p><p>"You like Dee better?" </p><p>"I do. I use Janus for work though," </p><p>Virgil nodded thoughtfully. "I think I'd like Dee better too."</p><p>"I'm glad you agree." </p><p>They came to Virgil's mom's car and Dee popped open the boot. "This is all your stuff?"</p><p>"Yeah. Thank you Mr. Dee." Virgil said while playing with his hoodie strings. </p><p>"You're welcome, Virgil." </p><p>Virgil smiled at him and hoped that Dee would keep in contact even after he had to go back home to live with his mother again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>PSA: if some random dude starts talking to you - even if he says he's family (maybe especially then) - don't go anywhere with him. They won't all be Dee, who's nice if a little weird.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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